So here are 10 things I learnt from Dark Chronicle (PS2)...

- The pen may be mightier than the sword but a well synthesised wrench can hand you your ass on a platter.
- Strange unattended chests should be opened from behind in case they have an urge to bite you.
- Whether you choose yellow or pink, gift-bearing clowns will always screw you over.
- Wandering around a city taking photographs of everything and everyone will not get you locked up for suspected terrorism but can in fact lead to the greatest discoveries of our time.
- Most of the temporal anomalies featured Star Trek TNG could have been repaired with a golf club or at a pinch, a handy stick.
- Fish love bananas and carrots - a cruel joke indeed considering their lacklustre horticultural skills.
- You can leave an old lady alone on a train for several months with no negative side-effects ...or disturbing odours.
- When faced with overwhelming trouser-browning danger, the best course of action is often to whip out your Kodak.
- The fossilised remains of a loaf of bread found in volcanic rock will be both still edible and nutritious.
- The fate of the world can rest on how you place your Homebase garden furniture.

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